With so much time on day calls being spent listening to the endless hold music and verbal jousting with receptionists the following alternatives to hold music have been concocted from an ITT (Interviewer Think-Tank).
Click
“unknown Corporation, please hold…”
“Ja”
Queue la musica.
Commercial radio
Talkback radio
Dead air
Synth based elevator music
Adverts for the business or products that are stocked/sold by the organisation
Upselling of unneeded services
Cheesy 90’s house music
Farm yard noises
Tetris theme
Foreign language instruction
The gentle sounds of a bubbling brook rolling and flowing past moss coated pebbles
Sound of people hanging up repeatedly
A humming like white noise, reminiscent of power station transformers
Whispering voices slightly below an audible level
--A
The Koran
Demolition noises
The ticking sounds from pedestrian crossings
The sound of a toilet cistern constantly refilling
The sound of paint drying
Recorded speeches of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Multiple intercuts of cats purring
Television theme tunes from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s
Advertising jingles played backwards
Weather forecasts in different languages
Oscar nominee monologue clips
Stethoscoped heartbeats and other organ recordings, such as digestive juices
The sound of carpet bombings recorded at distance, WWII London bombings, creeping closer
Gale force winds recorded inside a lighthouse
Crackhead dialogue
Talktime (Question Time), Canberra, ACT
Live recording of the train workers brass band, Sunday’s, Paddington Station, London
Sheep Stampede
Fingernails on a blackboard
--W
A list of your past sins, read back to you by Jesus/Samuel L. Jackson
Mouth-watering menu, read to you by Nigella Lawson at her huskiest
A four act play of men fighting over a kebab in German, “HEINZ! Mach schnell die Doner!”
Anything Stevie Wonder
Pensive, nervous French existentialist ramblings
User feedback for microwave meals, read soothingly by Ernest Borgnine, accompanied by Bazouki
Super-obtuse German experimental ambient show tunes
Tuk-tuk rides across to Chowpatty Beach, Mumbai
A reading of “Under Milk Wood” by Dylan Thomas
--E
Receptionist discussing her dates and bikini waxing habits, in-depth [An additional bonus from C whom temps for the enemy as a joustee]
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