A writer/poet that has influenced my scribblings.
Spark
I always resented all the years
the hours the minutes I gave them
as a working stiff
it actually hurt my head my insides
it made me dizzy and a bit crazy
– I couldn’t understand
the murdering of my years
yet my fellow workers
gave no signs of agony
many of them even seemed satisfied
and seeing them that way drove me almost
as crazy as the dull
and senseless work.
the workers submitted.
the work pounded them to nothingness
they were scooped-out and thrown away.
I resented each minute
every minute as it was mutilated
and nothing relieved the monotony.
I considered suicide.
I drank away my few leisure hours.
I worked for decades.
I lived with the worst kind of women
they killed
what the job failed to kill.
I knew that I was dying.
something in me said
go ahead die sleep
become as them
accept.
then something else in me said
no
save the tiniest bit.
it needn’t be much
just a spark.
a spark can set a whole forest on fire.
just a spark.
save it.
I think I did.
I’m glad I did.
what a lucky
god damned
thing
--Bukowski
Ideas for hold music
An AWE collaborative effort
With so much time on day calls being spent listening to the endless hold music and verbal jousting with receptionists the following alternatives to hold music have been concocted from an ITT (Interviewer Think-Tank).
Click
“unknown Corporation, please hold…”
“Ja”
Queue la musica.
With so much time on day calls being spent listening to the endless hold music and verbal jousting with receptionists the following alternatives to hold music have been concocted from an ITT (Interviewer Think-Tank).
Click
“unknown Corporation, please hold…”
“Ja”
Queue la musica.
Commercial radio
Talkback radio
Dead air
Synth based elevator music
Adverts for the business or products that are stocked/sold by the organisation
Upselling of unneeded services
Cheesy 90’s house music
Farm yard noises
Tetris theme
Foreign language instruction
The gentle sounds of a bubbling brook rolling and flowing past moss coated pebbles
Sound of people hanging up repeatedly
A humming like white noise, reminiscent of power station transformers
Whispering voices slightly below an audible level
--A
The Koran
Demolition noises
The ticking sounds from pedestrian crossings
The sound of a toilet cistern constantly refilling
The sound of paint drying
Recorded speeches of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Multiple intercuts of cats purring
Television theme tunes from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s
Advertising jingles played backwards
Weather forecasts in different languages
Oscar nominee monologue clips
Stethoscoped heartbeats and other organ recordings, such as digestive juices
The sound of carpet bombings recorded at distance, WWII London bombings, creeping closer
Gale force winds recorded inside a lighthouse
Crackhead dialogue
Talktime (Question Time), Canberra, ACT
Live recording of the train workers brass band, Sunday’s, Paddington Station, London
Sheep Stampede
Fingernails on a blackboard
--W
A list of your past sins, read back to you by Jesus/Samuel L. Jackson
Mouth-watering menu, read to you by Nigella Lawson at her huskiest
A four act play of men fighting over a kebab in German, “HEINZ! Mach schnell die Doner!”
Anything Stevie Wonder
Pensive, nervous French existentialist ramblings
User feedback for microwave meals, read soothingly by Ernest Borgnine, accompanied by Bazouki
Super-obtuse German experimental ambient show tunes
Tuk-tuk rides across to Chowpatty Beach, Mumbai
A reading of “Under Milk Wood” by Dylan Thomas
--E
Receptionist discussing her dates and bikini waxing habits, in-depth [An additional bonus from C whom temps for the enemy as a joustee]
a series of shorter pieces
matrix soup
cracking some skulls
like the sand
Bordom.
I suckle at your milky teat.
You fill me with apathy.
The monotony of repetition,
like drowning in a warm potato and leek soup.
I feel a pressure in my nether regions,
the process of reliving my bladder and making yet another cup of tea,
cyclical in nature.
Still, taking time when I am not jacked into the machine.
cracking some skulls
My fellow inmates of the corporate telephonic zoo.
We are a unique and special collection of individuals, brought together by a common bond of employment.
For not the necessity of capital it is unlikely we would mix within the same circles.
A non-intersecting Venn diagram.
We are a deformed and mutated version of the Breakfast Club.
like the sand
My time is measured in a finite way,
a rate of interviews I must perform to,
a target per hour I strive towards.
A percentage variation informs me of my failure or victory over the target. It slowly winds down as my respondents get few and far between.
Like a desert or a barren nun.
The Desk Turtle
He slumps in the desk chair, a shell-less turtle, limp sans exoskeleton,
deflated as the guilt of a low response rate weighs on his bowed and feeble shoulders.
Oh the names they call him;
¡Researcher!
¡Surveyor of Markets!
¡Sorry mum’s not home now!
¡Why are you calling me? I have a silent number!
The bitter pill of continued rejection combined with poor seating posture has led to a pounding ache behind the left eye,
a twisting, driving and piercing pain wonderfully exacerbated by the ever-glowing tubes of brightness from above.
His only entertainment is the variety of answering machine prompts that pepper the evening, a 20-25 second glimpse of ungainly, stilted insight into another’s life.
deflated as the guilt of a low response rate weighs on his bowed and feeble shoulders.
Oh the names they call him;
¡Researcher!
¡Surveyor of Markets!
¡Sorry mum’s not home now!
¡Why are you calling me? I have a silent number!
The bitter pill of continued rejection combined with poor seating posture has led to a pounding ache behind the left eye,
a twisting, driving and piercing pain wonderfully exacerbated by the ever-glowing tubes of brightness from above.
His only entertainment is the variety of answering machine prompts that pepper the evening, a 20-25 second glimpse of ungainly, stilted insight into another’s life.
The Intro
…[replace where required]…
Hi, my name is [Corporate Drone] and I work for [unnamed Corporation]. We are just conducting a survey on behalf of [some Organisation] that indirectly pays my wage. They perform [some Task] that I make out to seem more important than it actually is.
Can I speak with [a Person] that meets a criteria that I will outline and justify on the basis of statistical data integrity?
The Reply
“Are you selling anything?”
Nothing that will be of any immediate cost to you although most of our research is geared towards the erosion of the economy and basic social rights of humanity. I guess in a nutshell inherently we are selling the concept that we care enough to conduct the research. We’re also selling a complete waste of your time as all your response will be turned into meaningless aggregated data.
Hi, my name is [Corporate Drone] and I work for [unnamed Corporation]. We are just conducting a survey on behalf of [some Organisation] that indirectly pays my wage. They perform [some Task] that I make out to seem more important than it actually is.
Can I speak with [a Person] that meets a criteria that I will outline and justify on the basis of statistical data integrity?
The Reply
“Are you selling anything?”
Nothing that will be of any immediate cost to you although most of our research is geared towards the erosion of the economy and basic social rights of humanity. I guess in a nutshell inherently we are selling the concept that we care enough to conduct the research. We’re also selling a complete waste of your time as all your response will be turned into meaningless aggregated data.
Ode to the blue sky outside my window
Why must you make sad on the inside,
you tempt me through the cold plate glass,
displaying your wares but never allowing my complete satisfaction.
Woe be the cold breath of the air-conditioning that saps the life from my skin.
Hark, the underlying hum of the lighting that frequents the room.
Forsooth, the otherworldly glow that brings out the less than ethereal qualities of my fellow audio inmates.
While the ever-ringing dial tone echoes in my left ear, I contemplate the spoon.
Its dulled curves seducing me like a jackhammer thrust into the cerebral cortex.
Suddenly there is no suitable numbers available, escape we must to the exterior,
but the blue has faded to black,
and the cold has enveloped the warmth.
So we ride.
you tempt me through the cold plate glass,
displaying your wares but never allowing my complete satisfaction.
Woe be the cold breath of the air-conditioning that saps the life from my skin.
Hark, the underlying hum of the lighting that frequents the room.
Forsooth, the otherworldly glow that brings out the less than ethereal qualities of my fellow audio inmates.
While the ever-ringing dial tone echoes in my left ear, I contemplate the spoon.
Its dulled curves seducing me like a jackhammer thrust into the cerebral cortex.
Suddenly there is no suitable numbers available, escape we must to the exterior,
but the blue has faded to black,
and the cold has enveloped the warmth.
So we ride.
the phone monkey essays
to follow.
a series of writings that were penned in the spare and fleeting moments available in my workday.
.
.
.
.
.
a series of writings that were penned in the spare and fleeting moments available in my workday.
.
.
The Waterfall
The deafening roar of silence that greets one at the end of an introduction, it awkwardly hangs there as you contemplate how long you've been talking to dead air.
.
.
.
late night beats
After an extended period of hibernation the sleeping giant will rise again.
beats to keep me sane.
El Botellon (uproot andy rmx) by Uproot Andy
beats to keep me sane.
El Botellon (uproot andy rmx) by Uproot Andy
