The food source which powers the great nation of Australia. With its sensual dark nature and sultry disposition this shady character resides in all pantries of Australian citizens. While the French have their béret, the Argentinians their steak and the Polish WWII, Australians have always done things a little differently. Some choose to blame the isolation, others the inbreeding and some even lay culpability squarely at the paws of the drop bears. But the little Aussie battler that is Vegemite resides not just in the cupboards of the average Australian but in the hearts and minds of all its citizens.
This is especially true of the Australian Nomad (AN) a sub-species seldom seen inside the borders of its breeding grounds. This creature roams at will choosing its territory as it pleases, although does have a tendency of flocking together to seek safety in numbers. These tribes can be found in such heady locations of the ski slopes of Whistler, Canada, the beaches of Kuta, Bali and even to the far off shores of Europe in Earls Court, England. Some of the defining features of this fine animal is its distinctive mating call of, “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi” and its small tube of travel Vegemite hidden somewhere in its gigantic backpack.
The AN requires regular supplements of its native foodstuff to continue its movements, supping and ingestion. But while they enjoy the great breakfast paste that is Vegemite, they also relish in sharing their love of their homeland not only through tales of sporting prowess in sports few other nations play or have even heard of, but with the spreading of the word of Vegemite to all the places that they roam. The typically method of interaction between alien cultures and Vegemite is dependent on the AN ambassador. Some common methods are the application to toasted bread as a surprise for the morning dining experience of the foreigner or perhaps a late night snack combined with strips of cheese and grilled to become the signature ‘Tiger Toast’ (as all Australians mistakenly believe that tigers still exist in Australia there by symbolically consuming the tiger to make themselves more fiercely Australian). Once the non-AN consumes the Vegemite two distinct reactions will occur, conditional on the nature of the beast. The First is one of disgust and fear that they are being poisoned so that their land and belongings be stolen from them, an act Australians are well known for performing. The Second is one of enlightenment and spiritual awakening to the elation of Vegemite, they remain in a state of awe as to why they have not discovered this joyous gift of life before. The saline taste moves them in such a way that they must prostrate themselves before its infinite glory and wisdom and then seek out to convert the infidels so they too shall know its power in all its might and glory.
And low it was proclaimed as it was spoke, we shall all be Happy Little Vegemites.
